Back from Riga. It feels like we've been away for more than two days, atleast that's how my body feels. I'm a bit sore after our little tourist day. But it was worth it anyway, Riga is a nice town! The central part of the city was not too big so we had time to see most of what is worth seeing in the short time we were there. As soon as we got off the boat and started walking between the common houses, we felt that we were in the East. Some parts even reminded us a little about Bosnia when we saw the trams, cars, buildings, the slightly cracked sidewalks... then it changed when it got to the old town. But we atleast got the feeling of being a bit further south for a day.
It was a bit sad that the boat looked just the same, maybe even was the same, as the one we went with to Estonia when we was cheering for Bosnia in World Cup qualification. Everywhere we turned we got reminded of the crazy journey, with Bosnians in underpants who jumped around, screamed and cheered between all cabins. I want to do it all over again so bad... That once in a lifetime-journey...

Off to Riga

We are going on a cruise to the "Paris of the Baltics", Riga. It'll be great to go away for a few days and also to see something new. By the way, I noticed that it wasn't possible to comment for a while but now it seems to be fixed!

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

For some strange reason I thought all week that I will be working today, until yesterday when I realized that I actually will not. I'm glad it wasn't the other way around! Last night we went out on a dinner and movie, a date as I would like to call it, but my boyfriend would rather call it "normal meeting on an ordinary Friday." So much for romance... We saw Hangover 2, and I love it just like the first film. Tomorrow I will hopefully be experiencing more romance, because we're going on a cruise to Riga! We decided to be a bit spontaneous and go away now instead of trying to squeeze it in our schedule later. It'll be great!

Knowledge is the key

Mention a word about the war, and voila,  the comments starts comming in. Works every time. I can understand that the Swedes wonder about us from Balkan, over our chauvinism and stubbornness and constant nagging about the same thing. I was not planning on commenting this any further because I know it will be a discussion that can go on forever and never lead anywhere. But I can give a tip to everybody: Do some research about it.

By that I don't mean "I know better than you ", what I mean is that reading and doing research about a topic helps a lot against hatred and prejudice, it helps a lot for understanding, and to actually understand that not everything is black and white in something as complex as a war.

Sometimes when I read some blogs, facebook messages, comments, etc. I see myself a few years ago, a person who formed my opinions based on what mom, dad, and grandma told me, without ever opening a book about it. I'm certainly no expert on the subject now either, but for my years in school all my assignments (where I was able to choose the subject freely) have had a connection to Bosnia, for the reason that I want to know more and I want to understand more. I have researched about the history of my country, why we became Muslims, about the war, politics of Bosnia, politics of Serbia, about nationalistic propaganda and about national identity. In addition, it has also helped to read about social psychology and why people do what they do. In all my work I had to think critically, to see things from different perspectives and read much literature. And I can say that my view of things has changed a lot in just these years. Not just because I know more, but I feel I have more support when I speak about something. You don't have to share my opinion, but if you've researched about it, and have let the information in and not just threw it away because it doesn't agree with your views, and at least tried to see things from different perspectives, then I can accept that you have your opinion and I have mine. If not, I will not hate you because you don't share my opinion, which many people do, but I will feel sorry for you because what you know is based on your parents' words. Usually in that situation I choose to not even begin to discuss something with that person, and that stands for everybody, I even have difficulties to discuss something like that with a Bosnian person when I notice that the person hasn't read anything about anything.

After studying society for three years in upper secondary school, I can even admit that I tend to think critically to what my parents say. They probably know more than I do about a lot, but I also think that I probably know more than them on some things. They have experienced certain things and see them from their perspective, and I have done research on multiple perspectives. If I agree with them in anything, I at least want to be able to say that it's because I've read about it and formed my opinion after that. In a few years I hope to know more and develope even more.

Of course, the emotional experiences matter a lot when we form our beliefs and attitudes, and it is not surprising that Bosnians sympathize with Bosnians and Serbs sympathize with Serbs, it dependes on what you have experienced yourself. I agree with some of you who commented that the Bosnians were forced to defend themselves. How would've Bosnia looked today if the people had not tried to defend themselves? However, what you also need to understand is the fact that there are Serbs who faced the same choice, kill or be killed. Then there are also many who killed and supported the killing without having to make that choice, just by pure hatred. I can, despite everything I've read on why this and why that, not stop feeling disgusted with people like Mladic, and I can not understand people who see such a person, who murdered civilians out of pure hatred, as a hero. He did not only kill 8000 soldiers that attacked his home. He also killed refugees, civilians, people who were not at all a threat to his country. You are fooling yourself and I feel sorry for you who think he did something good. Who can not look critically at his own statements, waving it away with the excuse "media angles everything against us". Do you also agree with him about that Muslims are not humans? What he has done and said you have on paper. And if you support it, I will never understand you. And I support his murdering of civilians just as little as I support a Bosnian murdering civilians.

Knowledge is everything. That's what I'll teach my children. I will not teach my children to hate. But I'll teach my children to read up on what I tell them, to question, to think critically, to be entitled to their opinion but to also have support for their opinion. I'll teach them not to hate others because others do not share their views. I'll teach my kids to turn their backs on those who hate them for their opinions, I will teach them that it is not worth spending time on such people. I'll teach them what hatred can do, and what love can create. And what knowledge can give them. I'll teach them to feel sorry for those who don't know that. But until then, I also have a lot to learn.


You are quite active with the comments lately, I think it's great! I could almost have had a "question time"  haha. I also think it's great when people from other countries comment, for example from Germany and Canada (real surprise). The times it has happened, we ended up having like a little conversation. Very interesting, I must say. It's fun to talk with different people, the only thing that feels a bit weird is that you know who I am while I don't have any idea who you are.

Anyway, all the courses in school are getting to their ending. We have already had our last lesson in some of them. Today we completed another course with a trip to Skansen. I kind of know the place by now, it feels like I visit it every year with other people. But I love the area on Djurgården so I don't bother. Tomorrow we're free from school and I will hopefully be done with all school assignments!

Justice will never be done

I don't want to post a picture on the news article here, it's too ugly for my blog, but go into any news page and you'll know which news I'm referring to. The arrest of Mladic, 16 years later . I will not make any further comments on it, I just want you to take a look at the slideshow at the bottom of this article, at the mass graves, to understand what this is about.


Sarajevo 29/6 - 27/7, the tickets are bought! I really wonder how it ended up to be a full month when I only planned to be there for one week or two. But the time will go by fast, and a week in Croatia is also included. It feels good to have that done, it just stings a bit in the wallet now. The plane tickets to that little country are very expensive when you're buying them this late. But it's worth it. Can't believe it's only one month left...

Every little thing is gonna be alright

My miserable study day suddenly became so much better. Everything starts to fall into place. Mom called and said that there was extra work at her job for me a week in June. That is exactly what I need! A little extra work, extra money, extra possibilities. Tonight I'll also buy tickets to Sarajevo! I realized that I will not have much time left before I leave. We graduate last in Stockholm, so with the graduation and all that implies, a one-week job and a cruise to Riga my weeks before Bosnia will be completely full. Absolutely wonderful! With the extra money perhaps the trip with my girls after Bosnia and Croatia will come around. But I decide that when I know if I'm going to study after summer.
Oh, I love it when everything just workes out fine. And I love that I have a Ben&Jerry in the freezer to celebrate with.


I'm glad this week is over, pain in the ass is what it was. Too much studies, too much emotional roller coaster and too little effectivity, just like the week before, and the week before that. I believe my last assignment for my entire time in high school will be handed in this Thursday. But I don't dare to think about it, it's too good to be true.

Anyhow, I have regained my e-mail account! It was not entirely easy... However, they decided to cooperate with me after I sent a threatening hot-mail to hotmail (hot means threat in Swedish ha ha). No, it wasn't really like that, but after waiting two days for an answer they didn't even approve my information and demanded more for me to prove my identity. When I realized that there is a person reading what I write I took the opportunity to write a juicy message with complaints and voíla, after five minutes(!) I got my account back. Huh, thought for a moment that it was over, just like when I lost the war against Facebook when my first account was closed. I'm still not getting over that.

By the way, I just have to say thanks
to you who answered the question I posted last week, I like your tips very much and thank you very much for the compliments! Pictures and clothes seem, hardly surprising, to be the most popular, but you seem to also like that it is mixed, which is great to hear. Feedback and tips probably gives every blogger a little more desire to blog.

Tip: Nail Hardener

Since probably 99% of you are of the female sex, some of which might, just like me, care about something as worthless as nails, I can write about this too. In recent months, my nails have broken, split and cracked constantly. It may be common in winter, but I have always had long and strong nails all year round. My guess is that my brittle nails are the result of stress and vitamin deficiency. Anyway, the solution to my "problem": Mavala Nail Hardener + Miracle Nails. From being completely filed down and bursting as soon as they grow, to in a week grow out without the slightest trace of split! I am so fascinated by the results that I had to write a blog post about it. Thank you very much Mavala. Haha, I feel like one of them on TV Shop, "This has really changed my life, I'm not paid, I just want to share this with you". I can finally fix my nails, my life is so much better now!!!!

There's no need to complicate, our time is short

Me and a bunch of friends gathered in Rudan to celebrate Jasmin with barbecue, cake and chill by the lake. It was very nice, I've eaten much and laughed so hard that my cheeks ached. Now it's time for bed after another long day.

Blocked email account

I WILL START PANICKING SOON! Or NOW! My email account is blocked. It seems to have been hacked and sent a lot of spam from it. Okay, fine, whatever, I don't care, GIVE IT BACK NOW! Hotmail sucks #%#&¤! They have no damn service or someone to turn to. All the help links with instructions leads to the next link, and the next, and the next and eventually you end up where you started! It doesn't work with a password reset, and yesterday when I, after sitting and sweating for half an hour, finally found a place where I could answer some questions for them to determine my identity, I didn't remember anything! "What were your subject in your last email?" HAHA, I usually write "poop" or "ewhfwefgi", how would I know!? I wrote the best I could and was supposed to wait 24 hours for them to decide whether they think I'm Lana Karat or not. It's been more than a day now and I'm starting to panic. I can not read my email or log on to msn. I have had this email address for many years and almost all of my accounts on other sites are linked to this email. Why...


At work to four o'clock today. When I woke up this morning I felt that it was worth staying home to sleep last night. Today the weather is awesome and so is my mood! After work we'll barbecue and celebrate Jasmins birthday.

Mom's birthday

Today it's mom's turn to have her birthday. My beloved mother. The family has celebrated her with food and cake outside in this nice weather, along with grandma and her sister. It's been a nice but long day. I've done pretty much, I have been crying to the speeches that were held on this morning's Swedish lesson, I've made a visit to the bank, at the dry cleaners, to some stores in town, to grandma, to my other grandma, and then celebrated mom. After a night with only four hours of sleep I feel like passing out now. But I also want to meet with the girls tonight. Can't decide. Ahh, always the same thing...

Happy 20th birthday my love!


I don't understand why I never manage to stick to my own planning. Why is it so hard for me? I will probably stress for life because of my inability to do things on time. This week turned out to have more things to do than I thought. Besides that I'm trying to have a life, I meet up with friends although I really shouldn't have time for that. Maybe that's why I don't manage to stick to my schedule... Always the same problem. 

Something else that bothers me is that I'm overly sentimental in recent times. More than usual. It feels like I have PMS all month and I cry too often. Or, who am I kidding, I always cry. But I tend to be slightly more stable than this. One day I am overjoyed and the next I am depressed, insecure and sad about something. One day I feel that I am the strongest in the world and is capable of everything, and the other I feel like being three years old again. It's not getting any better by knowing that the graduation, an emotional bomb, is approaching. I need some stability. Now, please.

Question for you:

I think I'm fairly good at responding to your comments and questions, with maybe a few misses in recent times, therefore it is my turn to ask a simple question to you. What do you like to read about on my blog? About my days, views and thoughts? Or do you like more pictures, clothes or anything else? What do you want more of? It would be interesting to know what you think, and maybe get some inspiration. And don't be boring.


Sunday, once again. A grey Sunday with studies, of course. I can't wait for the next weekend, or the days after Wednesday when I hopefully will be free from school and have some fun things to do. Why does everything fun have to be on the weekends I work? I think I've had bad timing on all my job weekends this half year. Anyway, two birthdays are comming up, Jasmin's and my mom's, and if we can trust SMHI we'll get nicer weather next weekend. Lovely.
In the absence of other pictures, here are some pics from last Friday, when I and Jasmin began the evening at Karin's with BBQ and drinks, and afterward went to Hanna's graduation party.


I love watching ESC with the family. It goes from being a cozy night, with little meza, music, laughter, funny comments, rating the songs... to under the voting become something more like a soccer game with yelling, swearing, complaining and jumping. I laughed so hard. The best part is when mom and dad complain so much on the Russians who vote for each other, and then cry out YES!!! when Bosnia's neighbors are voting. I rolled with laughter at the reaction when we only got seven points from Croatia, I can imagine that all we Bosnians felt a backstab there haha!
However, really sucks that Sweden did not win when it seemed to be close for a while. I would have liked to see the finals here in Stockholm next year. Now it will not even be in Europe. Dino did a great job. But nothing beats lejlaaaa!


In recent days, I remember my dreams very clear, and it feels like they all have some meaning. Last night I dreamed about snakes, a very unpleasant dream that took a while to get out of my head. I was chased by a large snake that was after me, while running it showed up even more snakes and finally I was surrounded by them. And it was me who had released the damn snake from its cage because I first thought it was another, nicer animal that liked me. It even bit me, but still I thought it was good. I told the dream to mom, who believes in dreams a lot and said that the snake means enemy or someone who wants you badly, and her comment was: "You see, typically you, you're just as naive in the real world."

Well, I guess that I am sometimes ...


I hate those piles of papers, books, pads and magazines that grows like a freakin' bacterial culture on my desk. They give me anxiety. They represent what my life has been like the past few weeks, too much of everything without any order. When I'm done with all the schoolwork I'll give back all the books and throw everything I can throw. Ideally, set fire on it, but throw works fine too. Then I will lie in bed, look at my empty desk and feel good.

By the way, a new Illustrated Science came with the mail today, as you can see the top of the pile. Yey, I will read it as a reward when I'm done with the schoolwork today. I am a little sneaky geek. Some other signs:
- I tear out sudokus from the Metro newspaper every morning and then solve them during boring lessons.
- It's incredibly easy for me to get addicted to computer games, mobile games etc, especially if it's adventure or strategy games. Therefore I don't play anything. I lived in The Sims world at one time.
- Google is my best friend and I have to google as soon as I am wondering something, it can be just about anything. If I have no computer or iPhone with me, I sometimes write it down and google it later.
Now you know that.

Anyway, today I cleaned my room and completed an essay. And helped Dennis with his school work. I am behind in my own planning, have one task left to finish today. I thought about if I should go out tonight, but I'm so tired of going out after all the student parties. I'd rather just lie in my bed and reed Illustrated Science.

Love in rewind

Eurovision time. The competition seems to get worse and worse every year, but still I look forward to the finals every time. It is a tradition to sit with the family, as the ESC-geeks we are, and cheer and comment. Our dear Dino started the competition tonight. I thought the song was pretty lame in the beginning, but as I've heard it a few times now, it has become a bit better. On facebook many seem to be confident that we can win this. It feels a bit like the Bosnians think as the Swedes do every year, when they send someone who is a big star in their own country and say "NOW WE WILL WIN!"... and then they don't ;PppPpPp. The question is what people would have thought about the song if it had been sung by some random Mujo or Haso. But let us hope and cheer. When it comes to Eurovision, we Bosnians are always loyal voters. I also wonder how it will go for Sweden. I can not get over the stupid text. "Stop don't say that it's impossible, 'cause I know it's possible" ... come on? I will not even talk about the refrain. 
Now it's enough before I start comment on every song. I leave that to Saturday.

How soon is now

Chill on the balcony. I love to sit here alone with food and music, and the computer now because the sun has disappeared behind clouds. It's good to be able to enjoy being alone, it is probably one of the most relaxing things I know.
Soon it's time for a powernap before studying. Or just nap, because I sure don't get any damn power anyway. 


I'm torn between being happy over the weather and being miserable over school. I have assignments/tests to do every other day now until Friday next week. I have so much to keep up with while my body is crying out for sleep and rest. But it will turn out just fine. Almost all assignments we have is the last one of each subject. The last in upper secondary school. What a liberating feeling when I'm finished. Just got to hold on a little more. Nevertheless, I make sure to enjoy the good things in life on sunny days like today.

Summer lovin'

HELLO SUMMER! How I've missed you! After the weekend everything suddenly became green, warm and just wonderful!
Life was a bit less wonderful this weekend when I was a real PMS monster with irritation outbursts and crying attacks. I was also completely exhausted after trying to do too much on Friday and Saturday and has been completely knocked out at home the rest of the weekend, with a horrible menstrual pain. Therefore I didn't blog anything.
Today I feel wonderful however, and was also free fron school, therefore I took the opportunity to enjoy this summer day with Jasmin. I love days like this. I love that many more are waiting. I love to enjoy life!


My mom and I met in town after school and work for a visit to Axelsons SPA. For the first time in my life, I enjoyed a one hour full body massage with aromatherapy oils. It was the sweetest I've done in a long time. If it had been another person in there with the task of playing with my hair I would probably have been in heaven. I'll just have to become financially independent one day so I can get a spa at home and hire people to take care of me.

But, back to reality. My calm mood disappeared rather quickly when I got home and got reminded of everything else. I still have school work to do, which I probably will sit with all night. Tomorrow I also need to submit the project report, in the evening I'm supposed to go to a party and a graduation party, I have managed to double book so I thought I'd clone myself and go on both. On Saturday I'll have to go up and work and on Sunday I need to do more school work. I think I also have a lovely menstrual pain comming up. And too much in my head again. And one non-working stomach. And bad sleep habits ... Yeah, why not continue while I am at it? I have a shitty economy, I have lost my started training routine completely, I have too much desires, I would like to have the cake and eat it, I'm far too sensitive and I think I have PMS.
But tomorrow I will go back to loving everything again.


This morning we were all surprisingly alert when we got to school, despite the partying yesterday. I thank the long sleep in. The project presentation went well, but it felt even better when we got praise for our work from our teachers afterwards. Me and Karin was indescribably happy, it's been a long time since I've felt so proud, so happy and so pleased with the outcome of a job. To hear the teacher's words and the highest grade means a lot after all the hard work we had to do in the end. Now it almost feels a bit sad that it's over, even though we wanted it to be. I have really loved to work (and not to work) with Karin. We have a special team work, primarily because she is the only one I can work with without problems, and vice versa. That we work great together even though we are both stubborn leader types indicate how alike we think. And now it's over. We have complained together, whined together, wanted to jump off a bridge together, but also have been proud and happy together, which is just wonderful.

Anyway, tonight I am going to Melisas graduation party. I really have no energy left in my body and wonder how I will manage to party tonight. But I'll dance until I fall apart!

You only live once

I took the right decision by going to the party yesterday, I had so much fun! I was doubtful to the end but decided that I can't NOT go on the last Kärrtorp student party. It's always fun with people from my school and soon we will not have as many occasions like these. I got ready in turbo speed, pulled on my converse and went off to Collage. It was my beautiful Julia's class that had their graduation party this time. The theme was "We belong together", but since I had not planned on dressing up with someone, I wrote "I came here alone" on a top. Very popular outfit, I must say, people found it quite funny. The funny thing is that I actually got there myself because my girls came a bit later. As I said, I was a great night and totally worth it, and I didn't have to be the blitz!

Decision anxiety

Listen to the wise part of myself, stay home, study, submit a late essay, avoid getting more sick, prepare for tomorrow's presentation, save the energy required for a long day with yet another party tomorrow... or...
... be young and stupid, go on a party tonight as well, become ill, forget studying, feel like dying of tiredness tomorrow?

I really can't make a decision.

Update 22.45: YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!

In my purse

Proljece je, sve se budi, nocas neko nekog ljubi

It is with an enormous pleasure that I realized it's May now. I have been waiting for this month. I have been waiting for this season. I feel like dancing, jumping, running and screaming that I love life... if it weren't for the studying I have to do today. Otherwise, I would. It is a bit difficult to study though, when the thoughts fly off to everything wonderful that is waiting.
Anyway, I think I've been pretty good with posting pictures this week, don't you think? As summer and the good life begins, there is more that is worth saving in picture form. the blog will probably be bombarded with pictures íf Sweden continues to have good weather.

My cameras

I very often get questions about my camera, so it is time for yet another post about it. I'm no expert on cameras and can not compare with many others, I only write what I think of the ones I use.
Remember that I have edited most of the pictures on the blog by enhancing the contrast.

Sony DSC-W330:
Image Example: Student party!, Dino Merlin, Chill By The grill, 90's student party, and most of the pictures from parties.
Once you manage to take good photos, they turn out to be very nice, with bright colors and great sharpness, especially for a small digital camera. Outdoor photos always turn out good. The pictures will be even better if you learn to use different settings and scene selection at different times. For example, the photos with cool party lights are taken with scene selection "Twilight Portrait". It's important to have patience with that selection, you have to keep the camera still for a while, and not many photos turn out good. You have to have patience with this camera on the whole, sometimes it takes time for it to focus, and some pictures turn out blurry. Another minus is that you must buy a special memory card for the camera that does not go into the computer, therefore you always have to use the cable for the transmission of images.

Sony NEX-3:
Photo examples: Put your student cap on!, King's Garden, Friday, Shopping, Make-up.
This is my parents' camera that I've basically taken over. I don't really know what kind of camera it is classified as, but the picture quality is superb. I love it because it can provide great photos, but is smaller, lighter and, according to me who is not a camera expert, much easier to manage than a standard SLR. You can even change the lens, film in HD quality, etc. The only negative is that it is still too large to fit in the clutch, therefore I usually take the other camera with me to parties.

Put your student cap on!

After listening to the school principal in the auditorium, our class went out to the school yard to take some cheesy class pictures. Then we went to Söder as many many other soon to be students. It was a lovely day, although last nights partying was noticeable on many of us. I get totally exhausted after one student party, how will I put with the three next week?

It's getting closer

Wonderful life. Wonderful youth. You disappear too quickly. 
Today we had the student cap day, when all students is suppose to take their caps on. It is really getting closer now. Our graduation party that we planned for a year was over in an evening. We have six weeks left together. Six weeks. It is unbelieveble. I've never been so emotionally charged for anything as long as for the graduation, and never with such mixed feelings. Joy and excitement, sadness and anxiety. I can not even think about the student without getting a lump in my throat. Today, when the head teacher spoke and the choir sang in the auditorium, I sat with a lump in my throat, as usual, and told myself not to cry. But when I turned my head  to the left I saw Karin and crying, to the right cried Miranda. Even Elina bursted into tears. It was absolutely impossible to hold back. We sat there and cried, while we laughed at ourselves because we were crying among all the serious people around us. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we cry because life is so damn wonderful now, together. We've had a wonderful time these three years, and soon it will end.

I have never ever been so unaware of what awaits me in my life. I do not know if I will be studying next year, if I enter or not, or if I'm going to work or travel. I can not say with certainty what friends I will hang out with in six months, I do not even know what I will do this summer. I know nothing, which is scary for me. But I've realized that I must take things as they come, day by day. Spontaneous. These six weeks I have to enjoy, day by day, for they are disappearing and never coming back. There is no time for worries, thinking and analyzing. Sometimes you can't plan everything. It's called living in the moment. What's happening right now is what matters.
In the end everything will be just fine.

Student party!

Yesterday it was our turn to have the graduation party! I can't say anything else than that I am very happy with everything, both the dinner and party! Me and all my dear classmates enjoyed it to the fullest, hope that everyone else had as much fun as we had! It was also great that so many really went for it with the outfit. The dinner also gave us much laughter at the speaches and class nominations.
The party had a movie theme, and I chose to go as Padme from Star Wars, with Leia's hairstyle. Jasmin matched me by going as Luke Skywalker or Anakin (don't know so much about it) but the shining sword from br toys could not be mistaken. Unfortunately I was unable to keep the newly established tradition, to remain until it closes and come home around five, when I after all the dancing barely could keep my eyes opened. Therefore, we went home at two instead.
Anyway, thank you all who made the party to a success!

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