Hello hello blog!
Me and Lana are sitting here with 90's playlist on Spotify ready. The blue nail polish is on, belly t-shirts and double pony tails as well. Lana goes all in with a hot lip liner also. I skipped that, did not feel quite right. I have a nice poop brown lipstick instead. The evening hopely offers a nice 90's party, ugly outfits and good mode with Kärrtorp people. If not, I will go and dance by myself until it closes and then go home and eat out of Lana's pantry.
Peace out / Karin

Zara and H&M is killing my economy. I love to go into Zara and see all the bright colors. I want it all. I want my wardrobe to be a color explosion. And I want summer so I can start using all the summer clothes. It feels like I have a lot of shorts and skirts that are just waiting for Sweden to get into it's three-week long summer.
 

Finally my graduation hat has arrived! And so has the dress I plan to have on graduation. It is more than two months away, but I like to be in good time so I don't get hysterical the week before. It fits perfectly anyway! It's simple, sweet and pure white, just like I wanted it. I tried on the cap and dress together today and suddenly the picture of when we run out from school became so real that I got tears in my eyes. I know, I'm so lame.

I'm suffering from real summer longing. Such longing that it almost hurts. I have avoided nagging about summer too much, but now it feels like it's so close ... so close. People desperately begin to undress and change into spring clothes, although we are still close to zero on the thermometer. We will soon do our last assignments in the school. The first student party is on Thursday. The graduation is approaching. Future plans are being discussed. Trips are being planned. After Easter break, the time at school mostly will be spent on the lawn in the schoolyard. Coffees in the sun, sitting near the sea, laughing, longing.
Summer is so close ... so close.

Here is a link to a post worth reading if you have interest in the Bosnian soccer team, from Bank & Niva's blog. Yesterday I unfortunately only had time to see the hopeless, first half of the game. The joy returned when I heard that we won the match with two goals in the second half. However, I do not know how much I dare to be happy about that the hopes of European Championship is still alive, when we in a few days may not have a national team left, because of Bosnia's bloody, dysfunctional politics. It's sad, but the team is really just a symbol of the country, which has potential but falls apart because of politics and the ethnic conflicts that still exists, due to groups of people that refuse to see themselves as Bosnians, as a people, in a country where everyone should want to strive for the country's best, together. Yesterday, I felt moved to tears when I heard the cheerleaders sing the song I lost my voice to many times "Igraj Bosno, nedaj se, igraj svi smo uz tebe". I say the same to my country. Nedaj se Bosno.

... and anything that happen is for a reason.

I'm sitting in the kitchen again with books on the table. My room has become impossible to study in. Today I will have to spend all day studying, which feels really crappy given the great weather. However, I always need my little time to relax when I get home, so first I put on music, ate some dinner and baked a cake for my brother. That puberty child eats like a monster, therefore everything that is baked at home disappears in a day. He did not even say hello before he stepped inside the door, sniffed and said "Chocolate cake? Give me". Half is already eaten.

By the way, I was at the doctor this morning. Apparently, my blood counts are perfectly normal! I was totally convinced that I had iron deficiency or something similar. Guess my dizziness and tiredness simply are due to a bit too much of everything. I could not help laughing when I was sitting there. I have paid 300 SEK for two visits, to hear what I already know: I need to sleep and exercise more. Oh well, maybe sometimes you have to go through with this to begin taking it seriously.

I want this bag. It reminds me of a strawberry.

It was supposed to be an effective study day. But no. Karin arrived here around noon and we sat in the kitchen with computers, books, notebooks and our beloved chocolate coffee on the table. Unfortunately, we felt more need to discuss life's important and unimportant issues. We read a sentence, talked for half an hour, wrote down a sentence, talked for half an hour and so on. Next time we should get together the day before, and empty ourselves of all the talk. Not that it will make any difference, we have been stuck together in school for three years and we still has the most to talk about when we are going to study. It is simply the ultimate moment for that. And I have to stop abusing the word ultimate, but it's just such an ultimate word.

Translation: Your blog is the worst, you never update. If you want loyal readers you have to put a little into it and spend some time on the blog

Haha. I got that comment today, and I've gotten similair before. I have also seen similair comments on many other blogs and I always marvel at how people who write them think. To clarify a bit for some:
1. I never asked anyone to read or be a faithful blog reader. I have no duty to the readers. There are millions of other blogs you can read. If you think that is my worst, do not read. It's that simple.
2. What brainbox you are if you think I have more desire to update if you say that my blog is the worst. I suppose people who write such comments want me to update more, then instead, like many others, ask questions or give tips on what to write, more likely that it motivates me to blog more.
3. I don't blog to have many readers. I do not earn money on the blog, the blog is not my job and I don't feel that the update is a must when I have no desire for it. I'd rather write nothing when I do not want or do not have something interesting to write about, than to write crap posts just to update.
4. If you think it's so tough and frustrating to spend one second to go into a blog that is not updated, get bloglovin, add the blogs you follow, and there you will see when someone has updated.
5. I have a life. The blog is not my life.

But mission accomplished for the person who wrote that comment, made me spend an entire extra post at it!

I love sunny days when you feel good, fresh and alert. Strange really, given the state I was in when I went to bed last night. Last nights partying did not last very long for me but it was enough. What I really needed was the pre party at Erica's, with Karin and Agnes. My beloved girls.
It seems like tonight's café meeting unfortunately won't happen. I'm considering trying to study instead, I'm free from school tomorrow as well and do not want to spend the whole next day studying. But it's sunday...

I must begin by saying that I get very happy when I visit my blog and see some comments by totaly unknown people who are encouraging me and seem to care about my little problems. However, I don't like to come off as a depressed crybaby, I know it's normal and it is not the first time one has a slightly lower period of pressure and stress. But sometimes you have to deal with those things too!
I have started with it. Last Friday, I paid a visit to the doctor and took blood samples. If I had been smart I would have done it a year ago when a doctor told me, but I'm not always smart, and ignored it then. There is something about taking out blood from my body that makes me nervous. Syringes, okay. Blood, okay. Syringes and blood together, no thanks. And it didn't get any better when the thing that the nurse held burst and spilled blood all over my arm. "Wow, this has never happened before!"... Well, how wonderful that I got to be the first!
Anyway, it's over with, and on Tuesday I will go there again for the test results. I have also started training a bit these days and I will really try to do it regularly. For real.

However, the thing that meant the most to me is the conversation I had with my parents yesterday. It started with me and my mother, talking about parents and pressure, and how my mom did not get to choose what she wanted herself in her life. I bursted into tears and confessed that a part of me hopes that I don't make it in to the Royal Institute of Technology in August. A part of me feels that I'm not ready to jump into it directly, a part of me just wants to breathe a bit and avoid the anxiety of that time is passing too fast. I realized that all my arguments for further study directly really is my parents' words, not mine. But yesterday they made me realize that I have to ignore their and others 'liking and choose exactly what I want myself, without others' influence. They made me realize that the only one that really puts pressure on me is myself, and that they support me whatever I choose. If I want to be at home and rot for two years, they will support me in that decision as long as I feel good. Now, for the first time, I have seriously started thinking about whether I should wait a year before I start study again and perhaps, like many others, work, travel, get a driver's license and go some preparatory courses to actually find out about if my future choice really is my passion. I'd rather start studying when I'm psyched and motivated to devote all my time and interest in architecture (if I get in) than to start when I do not feel like it. I do not know exactly what I want yet. But much of the pressure released when the expectations disappeard. The expectations that I thought my parents had on me, and my expectations of myself, which sometimes are too high. And it feels so good.

I have to start making some changes. I have to start with my health. I am constantly dizzy, tired and weak in different ways. I think I suffer from low blood pressure and iron deficiency. I am almost sure about the second, and I've read that it is affecting a lot mentally as well. Time to make a doctor's appointment. Time to start working out. Time to bring myself together.
Time for me to get out of my bad period... How do you even when you have a period of crisis? How do you know when you are yourself fully and when you are not? How can you know when the mood is constantly changing? One day it feels good, and the second I just want to continue sleeping all day and not have to think of everything, all the hard decisions and an uncertain future. I am a person of great need for control. I want everything in black and white, controled. I feel bad when I do not know, when I have no grip at all, when I can not even find out what the problem is, if there really is anything particularly wrong. But there is something, for I am not satisfied with the way things are right now. It has been better. Something is missing. For the first time ever, I miss me in a past time.

The world is so small. Melisa and I have been sitting for a while now, laughing at how life sometimes feels like that the series Days of Our Lives where everyone has been with everyone and everybody is connected in some way, atleast in our Bosnian little world. Damn.
Besides that, I have been sitting in my room all day, doing my nails, eating chips and singing to the old boy band songs in a few hours. I finally have spotify, ten years after everyone else, because my old computer couldn't handle the pressure. I didn't go to school this morning, woke up with a headache and decided to stay at home. Now I will try to do some schoolwork that is waiting for me but I lack self-discipline for it, as usual.

Blue - U make me wanna - Old songs like this one makes me happy right now.

Yesterday started well with a good mood and sun! We decided to take advantage of the nice weather and take a quick walk around town before we went home to prepare for the evening. The girls came over to me and we had dinner, played games and pre partied. Then we headed off to Gaudi where we danced all night. Me and Jasmina stayed even after the others left, unbelievebly the DJ started to play all our classics from Croatia 08, one after another. This morning when we woke up we felt these two partynights in the whole body. It was a real tough rehab Sunday. And I was sorry to say goodbye to Jasmina and once again, cry at the train station. I'm the worst at saying goodbye. But I'm very glad she was here and made my birthday even better with my other wonderful friends! Much love to you.

This weekend has been the best in a long time! I have had the luxury of celebrating my birthday two nights in a row with my best friends. I also haven't been out clubbing since the new year begun, therefore, this weekend was very eagerly awaited. 
After meeting up Jasmina on Friday, and after spending many hours trying to catch up the past year, we went to town for my birthday dinner. I got Chinese food, laughter and spontaneous speeches by my friends that made me very happy. Afterwards, we took some drinks at Sogni before we went to Laroy where we danced until exhaustion took over.

Today I'm turning 19! I am entering the last teen year of my life. Yesterday I celebrated it with my wonderful friends, and tonight I will celebrate it with my other, wonderful girls! I love to celebrate my birthday, I'm always in the best mood.

What a wonderful day! I woke up well-rested and went to school feeling fresh and alert, which is unusual nowadays. Who would have thought that my sucky tuesdays would become one of my most relaxing days in school, with sleep-in to half twelve and only one lesson? 
After school I met Jasmin. We ate and walked in the sun that really warmed for the first time this year. When I got home I discovered that my romantic boyfriend had been there before we met and hung flowers outside the door and left his mother's homemade bajadera which I'm crazy about. It made my day even more! Women's Day is to celebrate women, but I must also pay tribute to the men who are courting us this day.



Most of all, I want to celebrate my mother, the strongest and most wonderful woman I know, my role model in every way.
I have tried to write a post dedicated to her but the words are never enough, and tears begin to flow as always when I want to explain what she means to me. Tears of love, joy and gratitude. For all she has given me. For her endless love. For all the times she cries with me. For all the times she laughs with me. Because she has made me who I am today. Because she is the best friend I have. Because she is everything one could want in a mother. My beloved mother.

My beloved Jasmina is coming in just a few days. It was a year ago since the last time we saw eachother and I already have anxiety over the fact that the weekend will go too fast and soon I will be standing on the station and crying when she goes home, just like I do every time we say goodbye.

Our story simply began when she turned up in my life a boring evening in Croatia a few years ago, and thanks to her I experience my first crazy summer. The next year, we had an even more enjoyable summer and we clicked so well that she felt like the sister I never had, which is unusual as it usually takes much longer for me to be really close friends with someone. Unfortunately, since then we haven't spent any more summers together but we have made sure to meet every year. With her, I have shared many wonderful experiences and fun memories, and will have many more!

The holiday is over and it's time for me to become more active and do things. There is not much left now and the weeks ahead are important, who will have the strength for school later when it gets warmer and the graduation is approaching? (Can't believe there are only three months left!)
Anyway, I have much to do until Friday, but hopefully time will go by faster. I can't for this weekend, I can't wait for next weekend, the weekend after the next and so on. Finally I'm wake up from my February coma.

It's March, it's sunny outside, it's plus degrees, it's wonderful. Just as the weather turned for the better so did my mood yesterday after some really bad days. I spent yesterday in the city, first lunch and promenade with Jasmin and then shopping. Among all clever things my mom taught me in life, she has also taught that shopping heals the soul. And I can for the first time in a long time afford to buy me something nice without crying over the last penny afterwards.
Today I will hit the town again and then I'm going to the town library to borrow books for schoolwork.


I had completely forgotten that I have a working webcam on my new computer. My old decided to stop working a few years ago. Too bad that this one is just as bad, but then again, when have I ever had a good webcam?

This is all the makeup I usually use. How, and in what combination, depends on the occasion.
Picture 1. Lipstick - Clinique Flamenco & Clinique Berry freeze . (Sometimes I even use a lip liner from Isadora that matches my own lip color to make the lipstick stay on better)
Picture 2. Make-up brush - Nilens jord (really good and soft brush), Bronzer - L'oreal Glam Bronze , Foundation - L'oreal Matte Morphose , Bronzer/Rouge - Isadora Blush Bronzer (is only available in summer).
Picture 3. Mascara1 - Fiberwig (fiber mascara that never smears), Mascara2 - Isadora Lash Booster , Mascara3 - Dior Diorshow Black Out (I usually have several different mascaras because I can not decide on which one I think is the best), Eyeliner - Isadora Fineliner Eye Stylo , Concealer - Yves Saint Laurent Touche Eclat , Eyeliner - Clinique Cream Shaper for Eyes (I also use it to fill in brows).
Picture 4. Eyeshadows - Isadora