I must begin by saying that I get very happy when I visit my blog and see some comments by totaly unknown people who are encouraging me and seem to care about my little problems. However, I don't like to come off as a depressed crybaby, I know it's normal and it is not the first time one has a slightly lower period of pressure and stress. But sometimes you have to deal with those things too!
I have started with it. Last Friday, I paid a visit to the doctor and took blood samples. If I had been smart I would have done it a year ago when a doctor told me, but I'm not always smart, and ignored it then. There is something about taking out blood from my body that makes me nervous. Syringes, okay. Blood, okay. Syringes and blood together, no thanks. And it didn't get any better when the thing that the nurse held burst and spilled blood all over my arm. "Wow, this has never happened before!"... Well, how wonderful that I got to be the first!
Anyway, it's over with, and on Tuesday I will go there again for the test results. I have also started training a bit these days and I will really try to do it regularly. For real.

However, the thing that meant the most to me is the conversation I had with my parents yesterday. It started with me and my mother, talking about parents and pressure, and how my mom did not get to choose what she wanted herself in her life. I bursted into tears and confessed that a part of me hopes that I don't make it in to the Royal Institute of Technology in August. A part of me feels that I'm not ready to jump into it directly, a part of me just wants to breathe a bit and avoid the anxiety of that time is passing too fast. I realized that all my arguments for further study directly really is my parents' words, not mine. But yesterday they made me realize that I have to ignore their and others 'liking and choose exactly what I want myself, without others' influence. They made me realize that the only one that really puts pressure on me is myself, and that they support me whatever I choose. If I want to be at home and rot for two years, they will support me in that decision as long as I feel good. Now, for the first time, I have seriously started thinking about whether I should wait a year before I start study again and perhaps, like many others, work, travel, get a driver's license and go some preparatory courses to actually find out about if my future choice really is my passion. I'd rather start studying when I'm psyched and motivated to devote all my time and interest in architecture (if I get in) than to start when I do not feel like it. I do not know exactly what I want yet. But much of the pressure released when the expectations disappeard. The expectations that I thought my parents had on me, and my expectations of myself, which sometimes are too high. And it feels so good.